The nurse starts with certain basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asks. “135,” I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asks, “Your height?” “5 foot 7″,” I say. The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5’5″.
She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.
“Of course it’s high!” I scream. “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”
She put me on Prozac. What a bitch