Reward for goodness
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you.
A forester and lawyer
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Dealing with a lawyer
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”
Try to explain women
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
“Sure,” GOD says, “Go right ahead”.
Meals on Wheels
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful — she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way — but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
This post was submitted by LobsterLou.
HEAVEN AND HELL
While walking down the street one day, a corrupt senator was tragically hit by a car and died.
His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
This post was submitted by Barry C.
The Pope and Bill Clinton
Bill Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to
an administrative foul-up, Clinton was sent to Heaven and the
Pope was sent to Hell. The Pope explained the situation to the
Devil; he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was
acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take
about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.
This post was submitted by Barry C.
Heaven or Hell
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. “Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.”
The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ teachings,” With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!”
With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked, “Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!” With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!”
With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair.
“Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that.The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?”
The Devil inspected the seat and said, “The third hole from the right.” “Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my arsehole.” And the idiot went to Heaven.
This post was submitted by rondetto.
Three Nuns
Three nuns die and go to Heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, “Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”
This post was submitted by rondetto.
