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Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!

Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”