Animal Jokes

There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he’d never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do [...]

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, “I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!”

This little boy is visiting the zoo with his father. They stop to have a look at an elephant and the kid just stares at it in fascination. Eventually he asks his father, “Dad, what’s that thing hanging down?” “That’s the elephant’s trunk,” replies his father. “No, I mean at the other end.” “Oh, that’s [...]

An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had [...]

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to [...]

There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So this guy walks in and asks if he can give it a try. The bartender says sure. The cowboy walks out there and whispers [...]

A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called “The Matador”. As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer. The [...]

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful — she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he [...]

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man’s trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog. A busy body who had been watching ran up to him and said, [...]

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat. One says to the other nun, ‘”I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs!!” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” As they sit on a bench in a [...]