The priest, keeping watch at the side of his bed, leaned quietly over and asked, “Do you have something you would like to say?”

The man nodded to the affirmative, and the priest handed him a pad and pen. “I know you can’t speak, but use this to write a note and I will give it to your wife. She’s waiting just outside.”

Gathering his last bit of strength, the man took them and scrawled his message upon the pad which he stuffed into the priest’s hands.

Then, moments later, the man died.

After administering the last rites, the priest left to break the sad news to the wife. After consoling her a bit, the priest handed her the note.

“Here were his last words. Just before passing on, he wrote this message to you.”

The wife tearfully opened the note which read: “GET OFF MY OXYGEN HOSE!!”

The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, “Death or Booka?!”.

Well the explorer doesn’t want to die, so he opts for booka.

The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the chief then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.

The chief calls the second explorer to the front and asks, “Death or Booka?!”.

Not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The chief rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.

The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, “Death or Booka?!”.

Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death.

The chief turns to the tribe and screams “DEATH BY BOOKA!”

“Well,” replies Paul, “you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?”

“Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.

“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, “I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.”

“That’s great!” says Jeff, “When are you going out?”

“I went to meet her this evening,” continues Paul, “but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show.”

“Sensible” says Jeff.

“So I get to her door,” says Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.”

“And what happened then?”

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

“I kicked her in the face.”

She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”

She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”