Man, I really hate retail. I almost got in a fight yesterday because of some inbred schmuck. Get this. I am working behind the Guest Service counter, and he comes up to me, asking [...]
You know the old saying, "Don't ever give up?" Well, boy, is that a good saying to remember. I remember one time, my daddy told me that I should always follow through with whatever[...]
Babies are so cute. I cant wait to have one. Watching them grow up is something I will cherish, especially when they say their first word. I remember my first word. It was "plant".[...]
You ever piss someone off on accident? You know, like when they tell you one thing, but you hear something completely different? Well, I have. And let me tell you something....it's[...]
You ever get pee shy? Isn't that the worst feeling in the world, when you have to pee like a racehorse, and right when you reach the toilet, it goes, "Whhooaaa, I ain't peeing in t[...]
When I started to go through the mid puberty stage, I dreaded it. I could feel the X-Ray vision of my father, scanning my chest for hair. Even when he saw a tiny, minuscule hair fo[...]
You ever get sick and barf on a ride? I have, and it was the slowest, most boring ride in the whole fricking amusement park. I mean, all it was were a bunch of slow, cages that m[...]
Why does love hurt so much? How can something so wonderful cause so much hurt and pain? For example, the other day, when I was walking with this girl I really like, we both passed [...]
One of the best things about being in a relationship is the kissing. There is nothing more romantic than feeling the warmth of your partner as your lips press together.
I swear, if I wasn't as tall as I am, I probably couldn't get on half the rides at amusement parks. I remember before puberty, when I was only 4' 11", I had to watch as all my frie[...]
You ever watch adventure movies and then try to reenact the stunts? Well, I did. One time, I climbed on top of my house with just a big bed sheet. I thought that if I held all four[...]
Just because I hit puberty doesn't mean that I still look old enough to drive. Recently, I went into a club which was 18 and over. And guess what? That's right, they carded me. Kee[...]
You know, most people hate puberty. But I loved it. Most people looked forward to their 16th birthday, or owning their first car. Me, I just prayed for the day when I would get hai[...]
You ever find yourself happy for no apparent reason? I am feeling like that right now. I am not sure why I am overcome with this sense of joy. Perhaps it is because the birds are c[...]
You know, I think sneezing can be so funny sometimes, don't you? For example, I remember one time when I was 8 years old, my parents took me to the circus. I remember being captiva[...]
You know, when feeling stressed out, I like to do something peaceful, like watching cute little birds fly from treetop to treetop. They look so cute with their graceful wings and t[...]
You ever wonder where flowers come from? Well, I know where they come from.
My momma always told me that flowers came from little boys who obeyed their parents. Every time I did s[...]
I remember all the fun of my early teenage years, when I was 'young and innocent'. At least that is what my probation officer would tell the Judge about me.
"Your Honor, my clie[...]
I have always been a smart kid. One time, my baby brother and I were in the woods, and we found an old, electrified fence. My brother went to reach out and touch it, but with my su[...]
As a child, I was always known as "Jeff the Generous". I always gave to others what was rightfully mine. For example, one day, I had an ice cream, but little Bobby Boyer ran by me [...]
As I stepped out of the church, I noticed a poor, homeless, elderly man sitting near the entrance. His hand was outstretched for any sort of offering, and in his eyes, I could see [...]
I remember having to give a speech about my childhood in the college auditorium. This was easy, because some of my clearest memories are that of my youth, growing up in the harsh, [...]
You know, as I was looking at my dog today, I understood how we can be called "their best friend". But as my dog was rapidly humping my leg with his little pink wiener, I couldn't [...]
I just came back from one of my annual family reunions. This was one of the best family reunions I have ever been to. However, after looking for Miss Right amongst my relatives and[...]
You know, one thing I'll never understand is how some people have no sense of humor. For example, one time I put on a doctor's cloak and snuck into an elderly patients room. Seeing[...]
You know, if I ever had the choice to eat one of my own boogers, or one of my friends boogers, I think I would eat one of my freinds. Like my mom used to say at the dinner table, "[...]
You know, being the humanitarian that I am, I have a love for all living creatures. I will swerve my car going 90 mph on the freeway to avoid hitting a moth. And yet, with this big[...]
You know, there isn't a lot in this world that annoys me.........EXCEPT, when my precious little cat decides to relieve herself by taking a dump in her litter box. Now, normally, a[...]
I'll never forget the time me and my friend Bobby went to the beach together. There were so many girls there, I thought that I might actually get to speak to one. I had never reall[...]
Subject: Re: Shape up
Recently, I made fun of a little kid's drawing in a public place. Unbeknownst to me, the mother was standing nearby and heard me say everythi[...]
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