Neanderthal

What in the blue blazes…..that neatly fresh unibrow plucked Neanderthal (I apologize to all Neanderthals now) looking beast on the right with the gap toothed acne ridden look of pure stupidity on his sorry face seems mighty proud to be dating what appears to be ET’s ugly sister, high on some kind of medication that is reserved for the terminally mentally ill of which she is a proud member. Judging from her high forehead, lack of hair, big eared freaky features and the fact that both of them are wearing a matching radioactive piece of nuclear waste around their necks I would speculate that their incestuous union took place near the Local Nuclear Power Plant.

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Abdul

Abdul here thought that by dyeing his hair red, women would think of him more as a Norse Viking with chiseled features.
What he failed to realize was that the only chiseled features he has are those monstrosities he calls teeth.
Hail Abdul! Ya Goofy Bastard.

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Max

Ok folks. This is EXACTLY why some people should NOT have a shaved head. Jesus Christ, does this guy look like a big thumb or what? I’m serious! Looks like a goddamn thumb with eyes.
I bet if we turned him around, we’d see a goddamn fingernail on his head.
Good thing we can’t see the back of his neck. It probably looks like a six pack of hot dogs laying out in the sun back there. I can only imagine what he dresses up for on Halloween. If I were him, I’d cut a huge hole in my head and go as a goddamn urethra.
Max, the dickfaced thumb. We salute you, ya goofy bastard.

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Goofball

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Dung Beetle

Oh….my….fucking….God. Is it me, or is someone else willing to bet that his parents were part fly, and part dung beetle?
Hell, he probably thinks that fucking bean bag he’s carrying is a goddamn piece of manure. Judging from his expression, he can’t wait to get home and lay a few maggots in it.

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Adidas

Jesus H Criminy Christmas Kringle Christ on a popsicle stick. Look at this guy on the right! I don’t even KNOW where to start.
His hat says ‘Adidas’ but I only see ‘A Dipshit.’ I also get the distinct feeling that if he jumped off a building, those massive ears would inflate and serve as dual parachutes.
By the way, you two dickheads want to put away the peace signs? If you’re the poster boys for peace in this world, then I’d rather start a war in every civilized country on the planet.

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Unibrow

Ok, now I’ve seen it all. Let me ask you folks something. If you were about to be devoured by a flesh eating troll, would you be holding its hand and smiling?
Goddamn, the guy has slobber marks all over his chest! It’s almost as if this she-beast was wiping her horse teeth off on his sweater like a goddamn napkin, and he’s just happy to be close to a vagina.
By the way, did you notice the unibrow on that goofy bastard? Jesus Christ, it looks like a hairy slug crawling across his forehead.

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Nostrils

Quick somebody pinch me. Am I standing naked over a mirror, looking at my ballsack or is this girls nose contain a storage shed for semen?
Now that John Matusac is dead, maybe she play the future Sloth character in the sequel to Goonies.
“Ruth….Ruth…Baby….Ruth!”
Hmmmmm, you know, the more I look at her, the more I want to have sex with one of her nostrils.

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Siblings

This is why siblings shouldn’t marry. Look at these two sorry sacks of inbred crap. You have Tiny Tim on the right, sporting his “sex face”, and Pat on the left who has no idea what gender she is. I wonder what Pat is missing more…..the hair that once covered her bald spot or her upper lip?
It doesn’t matter anymore, because 2 seconds after this photo was taken, an anonymous person chopped her head off with that goddamn machete pressed against her neck. Tiny Tim then proceeded to have sex with her bloody, decapitated body, still sporting his infamous “sex face.”

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Clifford

Hey ladies, wanna dance? My name is Clifford and I like to smile….see?
Oh Clifford, you goofy fuck. Here’s a little advice. Never smile at a lady when you’re suffereing from mouth rot. Shit man, my eyes are drawn to those gums like a goddamn moth to a flame.
You look like a fuckin’ hamster showing off the empty pouches in his cheeks. What the fuck do you store in that mouth? Canned food? Jesus Christ, why in the hell are we storing these Taliban scum in Cuba when we could store them in that gaping orifice on your face?

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