dren: What are you doing up little boy?

pavel39: Waiting for you

dren: Did you watch the BET awards yesterday?

pavel39: Yes

dren: Did you go see Spiderman today?

pavel39: No

dren: Did you think that the BET awards is one of the most disorganized events ever?

dren: and were you amazed by how many black people didn’t know what Rick James was talking about?

dren: and what are you wearing…?

pavel39: Yes yes and a hanger

dren: ooo

dren: Wire hanger or plastic?

pavel39: Wood

dren: Old school.  I like that in a man.

pavel39: I keep it real.

pavel39: You know what I was thinking about?

pavel39: Scientist are smart as hell when you think about it.   I mean, who the fuck thinks to make a computer smaller? If I was them, I’d be sitting there going, “Hmmm, so now how do we make this thing water proof?”

dren: Well, then they wouldn’t get government funding if they did things that made sense.

pavel39: Think of all those people whose houses get flooded during big hurricanes. They could be like, ”Oh fucking god, I lost my cabinet full of diamond cups.”   “Yeah but man, Steve still has his Imac.”

dren: Only the military gets the anti-bomb/anti-water shits.  This is how smart people are.  ATM machines for example….the whole brail thing.  Sure the blind bastards can tell what button is what, but how the hell do they know what’s on the screen?

pavel39: Dude, thats easy.  There’s 2 sets of brail on a machine if you look closely.  One is numbers, the other is yes or no shit.

dren: How do they know if they’re making a withdrawal or a deposit?  Do you think it asks them if they want a receipt?

pavel39: It isnt brail.  It’s Noslip finger grip. So you can’t sue saying you over withdrew.

dren: It’s because blind people are demons.

pavel39: Demons can see though.  They are wingless angels.

dren: Yes but they can only see with their minds.

pavel39: So they are like daredevil?

dren: Yes like daredevil. dare DEVIL.  Demon like.

pavel39: Sometimes when i watch BET, I like to play a game called ‘Who I’m gonna pick for my basketball team.’  And i always get the all star roster cause it doesnt really matter who I point at.

dren: Anyway, have you’ve noticed that most ATM’s here ask you what language you want to make your transaction in?  So the language thing… it’ll say ‘english’ and right under it, it’ll say ‘english in spanish.’  I’m thinking, “Why would you pick a language if you needed subtitles in a different language?”   The makers of those ATM machines are geniuses.

pavel39: Yeah i guess so.

pavel39: Ok here, think about this. Is making a spaceship really that hard?  I mean, a plane can pretty much do it if you point it up higher.

dren: Fighter jets can leave the atmosphere, but the pilot will pass out.

pavel39: Here’s one for you religious goers.  Can God make a rock that God can not lift?

dren: God can’t do shit.  He’s just a magician.   They’re all illusions.

pavel39: Gods a mexican, cause he’s lazy. And America doesn’t need him.

dren: If He was what He claims to be, Jesus wouldn’t have gotten his ass beat.

pavel39: Tru dat.  Jesus would have been like ADUKEN, street fighter style and pwnt jews all day.

dren: God is whoever taught David Blaine his magic.

pavel39: So God is the devil then?

dren: Yup

pavel39: Cause David Blaine said backwards is hindu for ‘the dark lord’

dren: God made up the whole devil thing so people wouldn’t be mad at him, because He can’t take criticism.

pavel39: So God’s insecure?  No better way to test your faith than Hitler huh?  The worst thing is those jews think God helped them.

dren: One day, one of those apostle guys was like, “Damn, God why’d you do that?  That’s so wrong…” and God was like, “Uh, uh, it was the devil… yeah… that’s it.”  And the guy was like, “The devil? Who dat is, god?”   And He made up the story right there and then.  He was like, “Yeah, the devil.. you know he was that dude that used to hang around me all the time, but then he got jealous and I banished him ’cause I’m the man.”

pavel39: I believe it.  It’s like the nazis and the jews.  The nazi’s didn’t really kill 6 million jews.  They all died from bad eaten habits so they blamed it on the Germans coming up.

dren: lol

dren: Yes.  They stopped eating because they were depressed because the Germans didn’t like them.

pavel39: Yeah.  And the numbers on the arms is the number of vaccines they needed to become human again.

dren: Actually, I think that stood for how many meals they skipped.

pavel39: But you know what whitey didn’t like black people but that didn’t stop blacks from coming up and kicking whiteys ass in the NBA NFL GOLF TENNIS COMEDY and eating chicken.  Jews just complain.  They’re all pissed off because if there was a God they killed him.

dren: Bunch of bitches.  So they always say that the devil is a great illusionist…..so what if the illusion is making you think that he’s not God?

pavel39: Well I was thinking.  What if in translating the bible, one of the guys got a name mixed up so you are really worshiping the devil and God is really the good guy in “hell”…..except his flames heal, they dont burn…..and the “devils” clouds are made of acid.

dren: The Bible is just a children’s storybook that was written by a guy who was ahead of his time.

pavel39: Everything you do is an act. You go out with friends, you’re acting. You’re being entertaining, you’re selling yourself as someone cool to hang with. You’re acting to your boss at work. Putting on a big show that you’re hard working, making him think you value company time. You go out on a date, that’s the most obvious acting there is. You are trying to sell yourself like mad on a date. Show them you’re funny, or romantic, just show them that they’re better with you than without. Anytime you’re in front of anyone, they are your audience and you are their actor.

But who are you when there’s no audience there? Who are you when you’re alone? Are you still the life of the party? Do you jump up and down and shadowbox the walls or sit waiting for destiny? Do you yell at inatimate objects?

Albert Einstein put it the best way he said, “If there is a god, why do we need him today?” and dude, Albert Einstein didn’t even have the internet.

dren: No porn to keep him busy…

pavel39: Good point. Instead of looking at jiggles, he was thinking about relativity.

pavel39: OH MY GOD!  You know what pisses me off?

dren: No

pavel39: I don’t know if you ever had an English teacher who would make jokes about how sometimes you spell words right, but if you look at it long enough, they look wrong.

dren: like ‘Herpes?’

pavel39: But since I was in 5th grade, I didnt know how to put these strands of words together.

dren: And the strand is…

pavel39: I wish I could have said, “NO Mother fucker. Actually I was real confident in my spelling till you filled my head with your fucking beatnik propoganda.”   But I was in 5th grade so I just giggled.

dren: giggled

pavel39: mmmhmmm

dren: Today I met a financial advisor who is broke as hell.  Something told me not to listen to what he had to say.  He did buy me lunch though, but he had a price limit.

pavel39: Yeah but dude, when you go to the gym, are the personal trainers ever in shape?

dren: If you’re trying to tell people what to do with their money, shouldn’t you act like money is no object to you?

pavel39: So anyways back to men buying you lunch

dren: Hehehe. It was a group of us.

pavel39: But you were so proud of it.  Like, “HEHE, he likes me.”

dren: Nah.  I just mentioned it because I’m happy that I didn’t have to buy lunch today.

pavel39: Don’t you have a job to go to tomrorow?

dren: Yes

pavel39: Sure

dren: Is that your way of telling me to shut the fuck up?

pavel39: No its my way of saying, “Gay jokes are funny”, but when you are gay, the gay joke doesnt go well Aldine. You fag!

pavel39: Oh man im sorry. I just thought, “What if you are gay, then I just hurt your feelings.” Man, I hurt them by saying that too.  I’m just gonna be quiet

pavel39: You should make your son learn things the hard way his whole life.

dren: Not everything

pavel39: Like when he’s in school and they are teaching about fire fighters, and they are like, “Call 911 if there is a fire,” he can lift up his shirt and go, “Look I was on fire 4 days. Trust me kids, you really want to know this number.”

dren: Nice

pavel39: And then when he goes to the zoo on a field trip, the kids will be like, “So what’s the difference between a cat and a tiger?”   And he will show his Nub and go, “About 6 inches of teeth kids.”   Because your son will refer to his peers as ‘Kids.’

dren: Yes

pavel39: And he calls his elders ‘son.’  I mean, that’s just if you want your kid gangsta.

dren: DON’T TEST MY GANGSTA

pavel39: Bingo. To bad for child neglect laws huh?

dren: Damn legislators

pavel39: It’s Lincoln’s fault.  Lincoln actually wore the big hat because he was controlled by aliens.

dren: it was to cover up the antenna?

dren: Wonder what would have happened if nobody made slavery illegal.  Mexicans would be in charge by now… probably.

pavel39: Mexicans couldn’t even control their own land.   And no, an alien sat in the Lincoln’s hat with controls.

dren: Because back then, it was ridiculously big… like old cell phones.

pavel39: Why do you think when he was shot, the hat didnt come off?  Aliens werent as smart then.  I mean, they need time to progress too.

dren: Because when they came to install his antenna, they abducted scientists that think of how to make things smaller?

pavel39: BINGO.  Now to answer you question.  What would have happend if slavery wasn’t illegal.  Well, they would have eventually bred the black man too far and made a 30 foot 6 ton 23 foot cock-having angry black man.

dren: Ah… logical…So Shaq would look like a midget.

pavel39: No.  Technically Shaq could be the 50 foot fucking asshole.

dren: Is 6 tons overweight for a 30 foot tall person?

pavel39: No idea.  I really don’t know how high 30 feet is, but it was the most comfortable button for my index finger to push

dren: 3 basketball hoops on top of each other…..approximately 3 stories

pavel39: 6 tons is about right

dren: Ah

pavel39: I mean, elephants are over 1 ton and arent even 8 feet.

dren: Was the ghost from christmas past from the future and that’s how he knew the past?

pavel39: Mmmmm No! Cause people from the furture only know one thing how to help themselves.  Fucking dicks.

dren: But if he’s from the past, how did he get to the present?  He can obviously do some time traveling.

pavel39: Dude.   Look, its easy. How fast is the speed of light? Without light you cant see. So if you go the speed of light, everything stays still.

dren: Not as fast as light being shot out of an object moving at the speed of light.

pavel39: So if he could just figure out a way to go faster than the speed of light and leave clues, by the time its time to talk to someone he just stumbled over a shoe box of what’s about to happen. Picks up the shoe box that’s gonna say. “Steve didn’t do this and that.”  See, time traveled right there. I just sumed it up on a damn instant messenger.

dren: Yay…I think I might have a hernia.

pavel39: So I know what you are thinking. “Well Paul, if time travel is based on light, then when I turn off my bedroom light, does time stop? And the answer is simple it depends.  If the lights are off and the sun is out, the buiklding getting sun is growing older but the room inside hasn’t aged at all.

dren: Is darkness faster than light?

pavel39: No darkness is slowed about 15 mphs

dren: So darkness is 15 mph slower than light?

pavel39: Yes

dren: Must be some kind of cosmetic friction

pavel39: But I mean it’s still around light speed, so a few mphs difference you don’t notice

dren: Well, light notices

pavel39: But if you look hard enough you will

dren: I’m sure it gives darkness shit about it all the time.  Calling it a slow fuck and all

pavel39: Dude I would. But you know what I’d say? “Mr. sun, Mr. light, one day you are gonna die and there will only be darkness and ill race myself and ill always win.”  But the Mr. witty light will say, “Yeah you will win but you will also be the first loser.” And the moon goes “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH”

dren: But nobody likes the moon because it’s just a big mirror… it doesn’t do shit.  All it does is sits there and moves water and womens periods.

pavel39: Umm dude, without the moon, we would all die.  Its like how old married couples die of old age together.  One of them dies, then the other dies of sadness.

dren: The sun would have no reason to live so it would implode?  I don’t think so… I think the sun is just tricking out the moon.

pavel39: Well I dont know about you, but that moon has been their for 19 years of my life a great 19 so if he dies, I will too. No, the sun’s a dick.   All he cares about is himself.

dren: The earth is the sun’s main squeeze.

pavel39: Sun’s a whore shining light to everyone in the galaxy.

dren: That’s why it uses the moon to shine light at earth at night… so the bitch doesn’t forget about him.

pavel39: I dont think so

dren: Or to remind her not to get out of pocket because he’s always awake and sees all.

pavel39: If you say so.   But I will tell you a secret.  I dont think chinese people sleep.

dren: Is that why they have slanty eyes?  They’re sleepy?

pavel39: Very

dren: They’re just a drowsy race of people?

pavel39: You should come to my church.

dren: That’s why they’re pale?

pavel39: I’m gonna preech my ideas to todays youth

dren: They must use a lot of Visine because they don’t really have red eyes.

pavel39: The devils people never have red eyes.

dren: I preach the truth to the youth. I say, “Hey youth, here’s the truth….better start wearing bullet proof.”

pavel39: That’s why He gave them opium, so they sit up all day having babies.

dren: lol

dren: You just called chinese people ‘the devils people.’ China would be hell then?

pavel39: No, Mexico is.  And I’ll tell you why.

dren: Why so far away?  Are they remodeling?

pavel39: The mexican is to America as the chinese is to over there.  Both short.  Both dirty and smelly.  Both black hair.  Both love to have babies.

dren: So that’s where He relocated them.  Wow.

pavel39: Both good and picking things.

dren: lmao

pavel39: Mexican picking apples, chinese picking rice.

dren: lol You said apples!  Don’t they pick cabbage?

pavel39: Whatever. And fuck the jews.  What we should really be scared of is the Chink chank chungs and the Mud vaginas

dren: I can’t understand you

dren: White power

pavel39: But I mean, I do think pan faces are smarter.

dren: Good for nothing tricksters

pavel39: I mean they built a wall

dren: A long ass wall

pavel39: Mexicans just, well, they build disease.

dren: They can swim…

pavel39: Aids didnt come from a monkey. It came from Padro down in Gudalope.

dren: Pedro…?  Guadalupe…

pavel39: You would know how to spell the devil’s name.

dren: lol

pavel39: But when PADRO breaks into your house and rapes your family, let’s see how spelling helps you out there.  All I’m saying its time to arm yourselfs for the war and its coming.

dren: But what the hell is the purpose of the wall?

pavel39: China built the great wall to keep the Mongolians out

dren: But it has an end, so they could just walk around it

pavel39: Well, obviously it didnt work.

dren: So they’re not smarter

pavel39: Mexican “Aztecs” built fucked up pyramids so I think they are

dren: I mean, they built a wall but Mexicans know how to gut your baby and stuff it with drugs.

pavel39: China does the same thing.  They call them rice babies.

dren: Hmmm

pavel39: All I’m saying is that war is coming.

dren: I think if another nation wanted to invade us, the smart thing to do would be to contract Mexico to show them all the access points.

pavel39: No.  You know what I would do if I was Osama?  I’d makes a trojan horse.  Simple as that.

dren: And put what in it? Not people, they’d get their ass beat.  Although they did take planes down with some boxcutters.

pavel39: I mean, look at the french.  They tried it with the statue of liberty except ameica was smart enough to keep it at sea so that 400 frenches died

dren: There’s 400 french corpses sealed in that bitch…

pavel39: No, they were sent back.  In wine bottles.

dren: Because the french were dwarves at the time.   Dwarves or dwarfs.

pavel39: No, we burnt them for not fightin germany.

dren: Or anything else

pavel39: I mean wtf is up with canada?  Quebec is just a bootleg france.

dren: Those guys got the shitty part of the continent, eh?

pavel39: Sure did

dren: Some how alaska is slightly better than what they got.  Canada wouldn’t be as bad if we gave them that extra chunk of land, but…I guess that was a defensive move… that way we could keep an eye on the Russians. And their six fingers.

pavel39: I give it 6 years. Russians will kill themselfs off.

dren: Not as long as there are germans.  That’s what russians are.  They’re redheaded germans.  They export them at birth.

pavel39: No, Germans have pride.

dren: But it’s learned, since they export them at birth, they don’t know to be proud.

pavel39: I mean, they almsot killed a whole religion.   But Russians…..Russians are up there, I mean, down there with trans and gonzaloses

dren: They just know to be cold.

pavel39: And isnt this funny?  It’s already fucking cold enough there, so do they really have to build a city that looks like ice cream cones?

dren: lol

pavel39: Fuck, make a log cabin.  At least that looks warm.

dren: Make everything plaid.  At least that looks warm.

pavel39: ”Hmmmmm, Gladmir, I’m kinda cold, you?”   “Yas, very.  Let’s go into that ice cream cone.  I’m sure its warm there.”

dren: Is that why they invented vodka… to keep themselves warm in the midst of all the ice cream cones?

pavel39: No they made vodka because having sex with firecrotch isnt the funniest.

pavel39: So then i was thinking about Austrailia.  They think its cool that it’s in control of criminals.  Yeah yeah hardcore thugs right? WRONG! The real hardcore fucking criminals (the smart ones!) werent fucking caught.  So what austrailia really is, are a bunch of half ass criminals.

dren: All of the fuck ups that weren’t hard enough to get killed in their homeland.

pavel39: I know

dren: They didn’t do anything bad enough to deserve the death penalty and the jails were over crowded.  And back then they killed you for spitting on your cock.

pavel39: Yep

pavel39: So they had to be really gay

dren: Before inserting it in an infant.

pavel39: Say all you want about America, but you know what?   Our purse snatcher still has his country.  I mean if you cant get killed by a killer you are a goddamn moron.

dren: They probably found money on the street and didn’t report it.   Some shit like that

pavel39: Knowing them, it probably wasnt even money.   Probably a map with an x on it

dren: And dashes. You need dashes to know how to get to the x.

pavel39: And paces

dren: And a palm tree. And a skull and a missing corner with a vital piece of information.

dren: Hey, why don’t people bronze their dead relatives?

pavel39: Fuck, if I died I dont want to be bronzed.  I want to be platinumed.

dren: Why do you care?   You’re dead.

pavel39: No, I’m not. My heart must go on.

dren: You’re not doing anything.  You wouldn’t know…

pavel39: Yeah but am I now?

dren: No, but once you died… instead of cremating or taxidermi or burying… dip the poor bastard in bronze and put him in your living room.   Nice conversation piece… place to dry your towels

pavel39: Umm the last thing I want in my living room when I’m trying to wank my jammy off is a dead relative.

dren: There’s all sorts of advantages though. If you’re really hard up for money, I’m sure a big ass bronzed person has to be worth something.  What if it’s a cute relative?

pavel39: I dont know.  I’d rather tar and feather.

dren: You could always bronze them with a kung fu grip and then you don’t have to do your own wanking.

pavel39: Dude

dren: But then they’d start to stink

pavel39: Humping takes way more work

dren: But you get your cardio

pavel39: True

dren: That would be a great way to get rid of a body… bronze the fuck for weight and dump them in the ocean.  But not close so they’ll wash up… middle of the Atlantic.   But if you’re going that far, you probably wouldn’t need to bronze them anyway.  Plus it’s international water so there’s no real law.

pavel39: Until you drop it on a sunken ship.  Then 5 years later, it’s brought up.  Then Steve is sitting at home going, “Man, that dude looks alot like Frank.”

dren: I would hope that in 5 years, I wouldn’t be able to recognize him.  I would hope a fish or two nipped at his body.  Or the whole decomposing thing that the body does

pavel39: Steve has a photograhic memory

dren: I want to know how many people died figuring out what berries were safe to eat.

pavel39: No kidding……before they put it together its not a fluke.

dren: Those were some brave bastards.

pavel39: Think about the berries they werent sure about. So Steve was like, “Fuck I’ll do it!”  For those few days man was he scared

dren: ”Maybe you just have a better immune system George… eat some more and see what happens.”

dren: It’s like waiting for your AIDS test results.

pavel39: Yes, because a man who doesnt know what berries are poisoness knows the immune system

dren: Also how many tries before they figured out what animals were good to hunt?  Like not a lion.

pavel39: Yeah good point.  “Fuck dude, lets just go back to the duck.  This Rhino is hard.  My rock doesnt take him down fast enough.”

dren: Yeah…..”Hey, are you sure about this because this thing is 10 times my size and I just saw it take down that other ferocious animal we couldn’t kill last week.”

pavel39: ”Yeah, it’s fine. What do you call it again?   Ahh, the Hippo.”

dren: Hippo will fuck you up

pavel39: ”Man, that animal looks lazy, Chip.  Go choke it.”

pavel39: ”Dude no, George tried to choke the elephant last week.”

dren: You look at them and you think, “You fat bastard. Look at you.  You’re so fat you ate your teeth flat…”

pavel39: Yep

dren: But you don’t realize that fucking with a hippo is like calling a crazy person crazy.  They’ll wait for you in the pond because who really notices two nostrils sticking out of the water. And then you’re fucked.

pavel39: Yep

pavel39: Well dude, its been fun but i got stuff to do tomorrow.

dren: Anime porn is a skip away from pedophilia.

pavel39: I agree

pavel39: Good night and dream of me

dren: Only if you give me permission to dream of you naked

pavel39: That goes with out saying

dren: And bronzed

dren: with a kung fu grip

pavel39: =))

After a barrage of insults, they start talking about work related nonsense, but the humor is still present.  Keep in mind that Travis is a crude bastard 99% of the time, always picking on people, and Manav is a hairy little Indian who is nice to everyone on the planet.

The Real Travis says:
Where the fuck have you been, asshole?

Manav says:
do I F***** have to take your permission to potty!!!!!!!!!

The Real Travis says:
It takes you 40 minutes to piss?

Manav says:
Well, considering the size of my penis it does take time …

The Real Travis says:
Fuck me running!

The Real Travis says:
The reason is this, your penis is the diameter of a mosquito’s
blood sucking tube. You can only piss out one piss molecule
every 5 minutes.

Manav says:
yours is the size of a MOLECULE

Manav says:
I’ll sting you with my penis

Manav says:
and insert my deadly venom in you

:::: a minute goes by ::::

Manav says:
FUCK your LAYOUT.ini  (work related file) I don’t want it  Hehehe.  What happens to the file on the local system

The Real Travis says:
Listen, you small dicked shit eater, nothing. NOTHING. It
sits there on the local system just the goddamned way that
it always has! If the token has one, you just overwrite your
local system one, cuntface.

Manav says:
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Manav says:
do I overwrite it?  Hmmmmmm?

The Real Travis says:
Whether or not you overwrite the bitch, I don’t give two
fucks. Maybe not. But you gotta USE the one that is in the
token if it is available!

Manav says:
alrightee… will get to it once I am done with this shitty
annotation file

The Real Travis says:
Fuck your shitty annotation file, mosquito dick. And fuck
the high elephant you rode in on, you towel headed bitch.

Manav says:
that elephant ride was the most elegant one. I felt like
the king seeing all you measly white trash from up above.

The Real Travis says:
It is because the elephants big humped back was pushin’
into your ass, you big gay sperm whale.

The Real Travis says:
That elephant was riding you.

Manav says:
Nah.. Nah.. no arguing with the king or I will have you
beheaded and your body thrown to the rats…

Manav says:
The elephant is too small to ride.. the poor thing could
hardly walk when I was on it

The Real Travis says:
That is because of your gargantuan fat ass, you hairy pig.

Manav says:
okie later… you golden haired midget

The Real Travis says:
You cholesteral packed meat factory. Only you could break an
elephant’s back.

Manav says:
hehehehe hahaha heheheh bye

The Real Travis says:
Bye.

**************:     what..am i off your joke list now
Spicy Jem:    Actually, yes you are. What gave it away? The fact that you hadnt received anything
from me in a few weeks?
**************:    well…can i listed again
**************:    please
Spicy Jem:    Now why would you want to do that? I mean, last time I talked to you, you were going
through finals and I tried to help you out with anything, and you were being a total witch….and now
are you saying that you apologize??
Spicy Jem:    Cause if you apologize, than I will put you back on <especially for telling me to get a
life because I wouldnt cyber with you>
**************:    i don’t need this from you
**************:    i don’t have to be on it’
**************:    who apologized in the first place
**************:    i asked nicely to put me back onto your mailing list
**************:    but you don’t have to
Spicy Jem:    Of course I dont have to…I also told you nicely that you were a witch!
Spicy Jem:    You think I am just going to give in to what you want after you had a little sissy fit over
what I did to you?
**************:    why..were you afraid to use another word that rhymed with it… a bitch???
Spicy Jem:    Your freaking lucky I didnt give your name to the 2800 people on my list!
**************:    you are right
**************:    i am quite lucky
**************:    but usually
Spicy Jem:    Yeah, you and all your other loser cyber geek lovers!
**************:    one doesn’t share a private conversation with other people
Spicy Jem:    Did I give out your name? DID I?????
Spicy Jem:    Heheh I dont think so, you paranoid bitch!
**************:    thank you..u used a little of a harsh word
**************:    you should be proud of yourself
Spicy Jem:    It was a type-o! I meant to say “witch”!
Spicy Jem:    And you must be real proud of yourself too!
**************:    oh…”b” and a “w” is in a different place in the keyboard sweetie
Spicy Jem:    Just think of all the poeple out there in Internet Land that actually think you’re some
fine chick behind a computer screen!
**************:    i am quite proud of attending harvard and owning a BMW…you sure right
Spicy Jem:    You probably got more hair on your chest than I do!
**************:    and having a steady boyfriend
**************:    fine chick you are right
Spicy Jem:    Hey, you really are important!
**************:    hey..what do you know
**************:    more important than you
**************:    you know what…let’s just forget it
Spicy Jem:    Yeah, I’ll say! Gee, I’m just some loser that needs to get a life because I wouldnt have
an orgasm with you online!
**************:    its called fun…
Spicy Jem:    But then again, you couldnt get me up if you were here in person!
**************:    something that people should enjoy once in awhile
Spicy Jem:    Thats not fun…thats a f*cking outlet for stupidity!
**************:    yeah..cuz you will be too freakin heavy
Spicy Jem:    You wanna have fun, get off your ass, get in your stupid rundown BMW, and go to a
real party and meet real people!
**************:    i do actually
**************:    not like you..i am no computer nerd
Spicy Jem:    Yeah, I am a HUGE computer nerd!
**************:    apparently
**************:    seriously..how old are you
Spicy Jem:    And I am soooo pathetic because I dont consider licking my computer screen and
playing with myself on the computer to be fun
Spicy Jem:    But apparently you know all about fun dont you!
**************:    have you ever used your imagination
Spicy Jem:    Damn, you could write a book about it!
Spicy Jem:    “How to have fun even though your a butt ugly horny chick behind a computer
screen”!
**************:    you probably still sis a virgin
**************:    you probably could never even get a girl
**************:    let me correct that, a horny hot chick
Spicy Jem:    Your right….but thats the difference between you and me sweety! I am single because
I choose to be…not because my face looks like a truck hit it
**************:    yeah..whatever
**************:    let’s just stop arguing
**************:    just forget that you ever met me
**************:    what’s my use wasting my time on you piece of shit
Spicy Jem:    Do the world a favor…get in your crappy BMW, go in your garage, start the engine,
roll down the window, and breathe deeply
**************:    are you going to share this conversation too with 800 other poeple
Spicy Jem:    How pathetic…first you wanna cyber, then you beg me to be back on the list? Please!
Spicy Jem:    No I wouldnt think of doing such a thing babe.
Spicy Jem:    I am going to share it with 2800 PEOPLE
**************:    of course if you wanted to..i can’t stop you
**************:    but who would be the patheic one
Spicy Jem:    And maybe I will give them your name this time, so they can all get pointers from you
on how to have some fun!
**************:    sharing a conversation with hundreds (i bet you don’t even have a list)
**************:    of people..having no life
Spicy Jem:    Well, we can let them be the judge of the pathetic content!
Spicy Jem:    You know what? I should send them this conversation, and when you get tons of
responses, then maybe you will see how many people I have on my list
**************:    you know what…
**************:    let’s just forget it
**************:    you win
**************:    i apologize
**************:    you were always right
**************:    you should be proud of yourself
**************:    i mean..i am sos sorry
**************:    i am begging on my knees
Spicy Jem:    Hey, your prolly used to being in that position huh
**************:    not really
Spicy Jem:    Yeah right….well, your so cool. This was such a great conversation
**************:    i know
**************:    i wold greatly appreciate it if you don’t share with other people
Spicy Jem:    If you want, I know a few losers who would love to cyber with you
**************:    cuz i am well aware how pathetic this conversation was
Spicy Jem:    What do you care what I do and what I dont do?
**************:    cuz i am only a 9 year old
Spicy Jem:    I mean, I am the one that is going to look stupid, not you right?
**************:    i am going to look stupid
**************:    i beg you… please don’t
**************:    i am no high school student
Spicy Jem:    Honey, you looked stupid before this conversation
**************:    i am an elementary student
**************:    i am a 9 year old you have been speakng to the whole time
**************:    i beg you to put me back on the list…not to share our conversation….
Spicy Jem:    Wow…..I never would have guessed considering your high maturity level
**************:    first of all..this is my older isist’er account..and she’ll shoot me if she finds out
**************:    please
Spicy Jem:    Too late my friend…you should watch that dirty little mouth of yours…do me a favor,
go out and cyber with someone
**************:    please..don’t send it out
Spicy Jem:    Maybe this will teach you a lesson not to get into something you cant handle
**************:    i am beggin on my knees
**************:    you are right
**************:    please
Spicy Jem:    Girl, get off your knees! This isnt some dark alley in downtown Los Angelos
**************:    please don’t send it out..
**************:    my sister is going to get pissed
**************:    and i wll be putting dirt on her face
Spicy Jem:    Your inconsiderate and you bluffed a bluff at someone that wasnt buying your crap
…now you wanna take everything back?
**************:    yes i do
Spicy Jem:    Let me ask you something………
**************:    k
Spicy Jem:    why in the world did you go off on me for?
**************:    you sent me that picture
**************:    you were cute
Spicy Jem:    What in the name of Gods green earth could you have possibly been thinkng?
**************:    i don’t know
**************:    i am alittle kid
**************:    i am sorry
Spicy Jem:    Thats not what I was asking….listen…everytime I have talked to whoever was using
this name, it has been the same person I talked to…not an older sister
**************:    yes
Spicy Jem:    And about you being a little kid, I dont buy it….only someone trying to act like a little
kid would keep telling me they are a little kid so they can get on my good side
**************:    i was playing around the whole time
Spicy Jem:    Oh I see…now you wanna backpeddle
**************:    no..i am saying that i never cybered before…
**************:    i heard it on the radio one time
**************:    and all i was doing is…copying it
Spicy Jem:    Look…I dont have a problem with you
cybering…I dont even have a problem with you telling me how pissed you are…but to tell me to get a
life because I wouldnt cyber with you, that makes me laugh!
Spicy Jem:    So listen, no hard feelings…..but if you are a little kid like you say you are, then you
have absolutely no responsibility, and no respect for authority, and therefore, you have no idea of
what true consequences are
Spicy Jem:    Therefore, I think the best thing for you is to publish your name and this conversation
to everyone on my list <since I know they want to see it> and you can deal with them
**************:    no..please
Spicy Jem:    Have a great night! I know I will!
**************:    fine go ahead
Spicy Jem:    I will! Good luck in your cyber adventures! Maybe if you come to CA sometime, I can
drive your Beemer!
Spicy Jem:    Hey what year were you born? You have 5 seconds to answer………..
Spicy Jem:    5
Spicy Jem:    4
Spicy Jem:    3
Spicy Jem:    2
Spicy Jem:    1
**************:    1987
Spicy Jem:    Well, sorry but that doesnt make you 9 years old (more like 12)
Spicy Jem:    Hehehee Nice try
**************:    1985
**************:    sorr..i typed it wrong
Spicy Jem: 1985: That just made you 15!
Spicy Jem:    Now I am really going to feel good letting people see what liar you are!
**************:    go ahead
**************:    whatever
**************:    i don’t care
**************:    send it out now
**************:    what are you waiting for
**************:    do you think anyone’s gonna care
Spicy Jem:    You dont! Okay! <Everyone on my list, you now sees that she is giving me permission
to show this to you all>!! Thanks for giving me permission!!
Spicy Jem:    Bye bye!

***********:    hellooooooooo
Spicy Jem:    hellooooooooooo
***********:    whhhhhhhaaaaaaaatttttssssssuuuuuupppppppp?
***********:    sorry, that was my friend. she was being weird
Spicy Jem:    No prob
Spicy Jem:    I am just recording my song right now
***********:    cool!!!!! what song?
***********:    wait, how do you record songs????
Spicy Jem:    I record them on my computer…..wanna hear one?
***********:    wait, where do you live?

***********:    hello?
Spicy Jem:    in CA
***********:    damn!
***********:    I would have to walk to your house to listen to it. I live in PA. that would
take me at least like, 10 years!
Spicy Jem:    I would send you a sample through email
***********:    NOOOOOOO!!!!
***********:    evil!!!
Spicy Jem:    what?
***********:    sound can’t be send moron!
Spicy Jem:    Are you okay? It would appear that you seem to be flipping out!
Spicy Jem:    What the hell are you talking about? Of course they can!
***********:    well, it would appear to me that you seem to be a complete ass!
Spicy Jem:    Man…..the IQ of this conversation just took a nose dive
***********:    only an idiot would send sound! ha! you’re crazy. besides, e-mail
is for words, not sound
***********:    IQ who?
***********:    stop confusing me!!
Spicy Jem:    You? Confused? I would never have thought that…after the intellegence
that you have displayed with your eloquent words, I feel like a mere child in comparison!
Spicy Jem:    I mean, stupid me to think that one could actually send a sound file through email!
Spicy Jem:    What a shmuck! But then again, I have only been sending music to people
for, gee, two years now!
***********:    -YOU LEAVE ME ALONE YOU IMBECILE!!!!
***********:    and you must have such an immaculate vocabulary, eh webster!
Spicy Jem:    Thats Webster with a capitol “W”, thank you!
***********:    no one cares about your stupid little recordings!
Spicy Jem:    I know……much like no one cares to hear your obvious lack of knowledge
concerning sound wavs
***********:    well I wonder if they have been receiving your so called “musical e-mails”
***********:    wavs? what the hell?
Spicy Jem:    You know…..why dont you go turn on a Hanson record and comb your hair
***********:    which one?
***********:    3 car garage, middle of nowhere, or snowed in?
Spicy Jem:    You know, just the fact that you can name the albums makes me want to rip a fart and smell it
Spicy Jem:    Here…give me your address and I will send you some bubble gum
***********:    fine. I’ll just give this old croney my address so he can send me gum. good Idea
Spicy Jem:    Old Croney! Yeah, me and all my 23 years! But that must seem ancient to a 12 year old like yourself
***********:    ok, fine. my address is (censored) Doylestown PA 18901
***********:    14 actually
***********:    you’re old!
Spicy Jem:    Wow….I hope you like fan mail!
***********:    fan mail?
Spicy Jem:    Of course! You just gave me your address! Dont you know that this
conversation is being published to Joke Mail? You mean a smart 14 year old like
yourself didnt know that?
***********:    you really are dumb! you can’t send jokes on the internet. you can’t email a book!
Spicy Jem:    Man, is it me, or does every Hanson fan have the IQ of a gopher?
Spicy Jem:    You make me sick…….I hope your # 2 pencil breaks while taken your final exams
Spicy Jem:    I hope that you fart in class while the teacher walks by, and the stench clears out the building
***********:    man, is it me, or does every 23 year old croney who is trying to get back to
his youth by learning spanish, writing alternative songs, and listening to marilyn manson and
thinking farting is so funny have the IQ of a gopher
Spicy Jem:    I think its just you
***********:    oh, ok. At least I don’t have to come on-line to try to get a girlfriend
Spicy Jem:    Hey, long live come on lines!
********:    no, I don’t want a girlfriend.
Spicy Jem:    If you dont want a girlfriend, why did you just say you did?
***********:    umm. you’re really cool. NO, no wait, you’re not
Spicy Jem:    I think you have some underlying issues you need to deal with
***********:    because I am girl!
Spicy Jem:    Dont be ashamed of who you are inside
Spicy Jem:    Come out of that nasty closet, and be proud
***********:    go study some astral projection
Spicy Jem:    I will, so I can go over to your house and astrally pee all over your Hanson posters
***********:    gimmie your address and I’ll send you a book about OOBE’s
Spicy Jem:    God, I feel so enlightened after talking to you! You must have TONS of friends!
***********:    I do thanks
Spicy Jem:    In fact, I bet you have more friends than boogers in your nose, although it may be a close comparison
Spicy Jem:    Do me a favor……
Spicy Jem:    Go pop a whitehead
Spicy Jem:    You are actually trying to challenge me? Dont you realize that your name is
going to be sent to 2200 people all around the world when I mail this?
***********:    go cover up your liver spots and spider veins
***********:    why yes I do
Spicy Jem:    Dont you know the amount of mail you are going to recieve, from people calling you
a complete moron! Gee, your so cool!
Spicy Jem:    My liver spots are quite attractive, thank you!
***********:    why yes I do
***********:    thanks!
Spicy Jem:    And babe, use some more cover up on those pock marks…..that acne
is driving me crazy! I bet if you read that in braille, it would say “The person who owns
this face is a schmuck”
***********:    I’ll make new friends!
Spicy Jem:    Yeah, but you’ll always be ugly!
Spicy Jem:    =)
Spicy Jem:    man this is fun
Spicy Jem:    I havent had a conversation like this in awhile!
***********:    you’ll always be alone and lonely looking for that special someone on-line
***********:    me neither. this is fun
***********:    I used to always do this.
Spicy Jem:    hehehehe You must be really familiar with that. Im afraid that the only
special someone you will find will be Mr. Clearasil.
***********:    I bet you’re about 40, weigh 90 pounds, have 3 inch thick glasses, and are
on-line 24 hours a day
Spicy Jem:    Close……….but not as close as my description of you! By the way…….if my
40 year old eyes dont decieve me, it would appear that your hips are wider than your shoulders.
Very attractive.
***********:    this is getting kinda annoying
Spicy Jem:    Annoying? Well, I suppose it would appear that way to a prepubescent Hanson fan
***********:    you seem to think you can see me through your computer. must be those huge glasses
Spicy Jem:    haha good comeback
***********:    thanks
Spicy Jem:    Go stick your head in a toilet and breathe deeply, would ya
Spicy Jem:    Man…..your so witty! How do you do it?
Spicy Jem:    I must learn from a pro like yourself
***********:    yeah
Spicy Jem:    Thanks for answering the question
***********:    you’re very welcome
Spicy Jem:    Obviously, you’ve run out of gas….except in the colon department
***********:    you’re obsdessed with farting. It’s getting kinda gross.
Spicy Jem:    You know, with someone as fat as you are, I am suprised that you havent
lost weight from all the typing.
***********:    umm, OK
Spicy Jem:    And farting is a natural body reaction to the breakdown of foods. Dont act like your too good to fart
Spicy Jem:    I fart every chance I get. The louder the better
***********:    if that made sense, maybe I could think of something funny to say, but since it didn’t…..
Spicy Jem:    <fart> excuse me
***********:    STOP IT!
Spicy Jem:    hehehe Of course it doesnt make sense to you, you silly goose! Your too
busy thinking of those 4 christmas turkeys you just ate
Spicy Jem:    <fart> Man, that one was loud!
Spicy Jem:    My little butt trumpet wants to play a song, I see!
***********:    just so you know, before you send your little “jokes” to your “2200 friends”,
I was just kidding in the beggining about liking hanson and being stupid and stuff.
I was just doing it cuz I was bored
***********:    are you really gonna send this to people
Spicy Jem:    Yeah, thats *real* convincing……
Spicy Jem:    You backpeddle so nicely
Spicy Jem:    Do you fart while you backpeddle too?
Spicy Jem:    Now THAT would be a nice talent
Spicy Jem:    I bet your farts sound like a whisper from heaven
***********:    It’s really nice to know that you have time to waste on this crap at you’re
age. I hope when I’m as old as you I’m as successful as you are
Spicy Jem:    Doesnt everyone?
Spicy Jem:    And speaking of crap….hehehehe!
Spicy Jem:    Werent you the one who wrote ME an email asking to get back on the mailing list?
Spicy Jem:    Sounds like a contradiction there
***********:    hehehehe..fart..hehehe…I live in my mom’s basement…..hehehe…I send
jokes to all my friends”…hehehehe…I’m still a virgin at 30…hehehe.
***********:    what are you talking about?
Spicy Jem:    You are? I thought you were only 14? Man, your right! you are confused!
Spicy Jem:    And I have made a vow to give up sex at the cost of annoying the hell out
of you! So far, its been a worthy sacrifice
***********:    I WAS PRETENDING TO BE YOU SWIFT!
Spicy Jem:    You were? Man…you need to work on your comedy approach
***********:    you need to work on your social life beyond the chat room
Spicy Jem:    Might I make a suggestion…..
If you take 5 seconds to pull your head out of your butt, you may see things more clearly
Spicy Jem:    My social life is great……and unlike you, I dont have to hide behind a computer to meet people
Spicy Jem:    But if I worshiped Hanson like you, I would hide behind a CPU too
***********:    MIght I make a suggestion….
going into the romance chat rooms doesn’t count as a hot saturday night
Spicy Jem:    Hahahaha! man, your funny! Oh wait….no your not
Spicy Jem:    Romance Channels rule! Havent you seen “You Got Mail”?
***********:    you stole my saying! you bastard!
Spicy Jem:    Or are you too busy typing with one hand?
***********:    I’m not even gonna answer that. You’re really messed up
Spicy Jem:    Of course I am messed up! Anyone who would endure a conversation with
YOU for this long has to be seriously screwed in the head
***********:    yup
Spicy Jem:    Tell me…how many chins do you have?
***********:    one thanks.
Spicy Jem:    One chin, and 4 sub-chins?
Spicy Jem:    You probably look like a turkey….you and your turkey chin
***********:    I weigh 110 pounds thank you.
Spicy Jem:    Hey, when you turn your head, does that flap of skin flop around back and forth like a huge sack of jello?   Be honest!
Spicy Jem:    Your chin weighs 110 pounds? OMG!
***********:    umm, yeah, sure. whatever
Spicy Jem:    You know, lyposuction does wonders
Spicy Jem:    I am sure it will spice up your social life as well
Spicy Jem:    But since your obviously obsessed with farting, I dont see how you will be successful in romance
***********:    thanks for the tip! I’m sure it worked wonders for your mom
Spicy Jem:    My mom swears by it
***********:    I’m obsesseed with farting?
Spicy Jem:    Thats why I recommend it to you!
Spicy Jem:    yeah…you and your farting
Spicy Jem:    Thats sick
Spicy Jem:    Why dont you fart a few times in a small box and light a match, will ya
***********:    Just go crawl into bed with old “Righty” and cry about how much your life
sucks while I go have a real life
***********:    c-ya
Spicy Jem:    hey, “Righty” and me have about as much close relationship as you and your acne medicine
Spicy Jem:    Awww, leaving so soon?
Spicy Jem:    Must have to go back to the toilet and wipe some more!
Spicy Jem:    You must spend a fortune on toilet paper with all that crap you spew out
Spicy Jem:    Do you fart in the bathtub?
Spicy Jem:    Well, it has been enlightening……Dont pop too many whiteheads, and
make sure you do something about your gas problem.

************:    hi, that was a really funny conversation you sent!
Spicy Jem:    I know, wasnt it? Hehehe
************:    like, OK not like i’m coming on to you or anything, but if i was your
age, i would really wanna date you
************:    but. i’m 12 so just forget about it
Spicy Jem:    How old are you?
Spicy Jem:    Oh!
Spicy Jem:    Well, thats sweet of you! Thanks!
Spicy Jem:    Dont worry, when your 18, I will only be 30! Maybe we can go out then! Just
kidding!
************:    i just dumped my boyfriend, and i found out he was gay!
Spicy Jem:    No way
Spicy Jem:    I dont know if I should be more shocked that he was gay or that you had a
boyfriend at 12 years of age!
************:    well, i went out with him 3 times
************:    and we broke up every time
************:    it was really cool though
Spicy Jem:    Well, thats not really a boyfriend to me.
************:    so far, i went out with him for a little less than a year
Spicy Jem:    You went out 3 times over a period of a year?
Spicy Jem:    Where did you guys go? Like to the movies or roller skating? =)
************:    well, like we’de hang out at someones house
Spicy Jem:    Now thats what I call a conservative relationship!
************:    no no no, we went out 3 times, and i added it all together and it
came out to a year
************:    no, it wasnt just hanging out though, he he
Spicy Jem:    I was going to say, your only 12! There isnt much that you can do! Its not like
you can say, “Hey, I just stole my dads car! Wanna drive to a club and go dancing!”
************:    well,we dance at people parties
************:    but, thats not all we do
Spicy Jem:    How old is this guy? 13?
Spicy Jem:    What else you do? Sit around and play board games?
Spicy Jem:    =)
************:    so, he’s 12 also
************:    and we make out if you have to know
Spicy Jem:    Well, I didnt HAVE to know that…..but thanks for sharing!
Spicy Jem:    I think at the age of twelve, I was too busy watching cartoons and daydreaming about what Transformer I was going to buy when I saved up enough money
from my 1 penny a week allowance!
************:    oh no, are you gonna make this one of your joke things that you
send to everyone?
Spicy Jem:    Dont worry, if I do, I will censor your name!
Spicy Jem:    Heheheh
************:    well, you don’t have to block out my name, cause all your subscibers are
practically all my friends
************:    actually, dont block out my name
Spicy Jem:    Everyone I talk to is so afraid that I am going to do that now!
************:    well, i’m not
Spicy Jem:    Hehehehe Ok!
************:    wait, but you just have to tell me, do you have a subsciber named :
(censored)??????
Spicy Jem:    How would I know? I have over 2200 people on my list!
************:    well, could you please check
************:    cause that was the gay guy i just dumped
************:    well, fine. then if you send this, i changed my mind
************:    block out my name and block out this name : ***********
************:    please!!!!!!!!
Spicy Jem:    So your 12…does that mean your in 6th or seventh grade?
************:    i’m in 6th
Spicy Jem:    6th grade?! I remember those days! I once went to a cheezy party in
someones garage when I was in 6th grade! They had this stupid AM radio playing, and
there was all this static so you could barely hear the music! I couldnt believe I was
even there with my girlfriend <she was in 5th grade>. They were even throwing water
on the ceiling and letting it drop down cause it was suppose to be romantic!
Spicy Jem:    It was so cheezy, I told my girlfriend, “Hey, meet me on the dancefloor,
I’ll be right back”……and I took off and walked home!
Spicy Jem:    I never talked to her since!! Hehehe
************:    god, thats a really cool thing to do
************:    maybe i’ll try that sometime = )
Spicy Jem:    Go for it, if you want your boyfriend to leave you !
************:    so, are you gonna block out the names?????????
Spicy Jem:    Nah…I dont even think I am going to send it
************:    you absolutely have to block out that boys name!!!!
************:    ok, but you have to promise me that if you send it, block out my name
and his
************:    oh, i meant to ask you, how did you get your name?
Spicy Jem:    Listen….I am not going to look through 2200 names! First of all, I dont
recognize that other name, so you dont have anything to worry about.
************:    ok, your the best
************:    how’d you get your screen name?
Spicy Jem:    My name? JEM is my initials and Spicy was the only adjective I could think
of to describe me.
************:    oh
************:    i thought it had something to do with the spice girls!
Spicy Jem:    No way! Girl, I have had this AOL account before the Spice Girls were
even a group!
************:    ok
************:    i love the spice girls
************:    but, then a lot of 12 year olds do
Spicy Jem:    Did you hear about the new Spice Girl?
Spicy Jem:    BJ Spice
************:    who is BJ spice?
Spicy Jem:    The new Spice Girl
************:    how do you know she’s really in the band?
Spicy Jem:    I dont for sure…maybe its just a rumor
************:    what does BJ stand for?
Spicy Jem:    Who knows!
************:    is she american or british?
Spicy Jem:    British
************:    where’d you hear this from?
Spicy Jem:    It was on the Howard Stern show
************:    really? were the spice girls on it, or just him saying it?
Spicy Jem:    She’s really *open* to new things!
Spicy Jem:    No, she was on there
Spicy Jem:    With Howard
************:    oh!
************:    i wanna see her!!
************:    is she pretty?
Spicy Jem:    Maybe you will someday
************:    what does she look like?
Spicy Jem:    Howard Stern is a radio show….you cant see people when they are on radio
************:    oh, well he actually does have a TV show at 2:00 in the morning
************:    i thought thats what you were talking about
Spicy Jem:    You mean the “E” show?
************:    i meant TV show
Spicy Jem:    Yeah that’s the E show.
Spicy Jem:    BJ Spice said that she is going to *blow* the world away! I guess she is good!
Spicy Jem:    But I didnt hear her sing
************:    oh, that sucks
Spicy Jem:    HEHEHEHEHE
Spicy Jem:    I think she *sucks* too!
************:    well, i guess i should go and spread the good news
Spicy Jem:    Remember, I dont know for sure!
************:    well, whether she’s good or not, i am the school gossiper, and i have to
tell everyone!!!
Spicy Jem:    Well, run like the wind, and shout the good news to everyone!

It cracked me up to think that this poor girl is going to run and tell the school that there is a new Spice Girl named BJ Spice! As you can see this conversation started out wierd to begin with…..I mean, are 12 year olds really dating now, and do they really have year long relationships?! I am 23 years old and I cant even hold a relationship that long! J/K
Oh, and for those people who read this and think I was cruel to this innocent 12 year old, don’t jump to conclusions….This girl seems to know more about life than I do!

Note: it starts out with her asking me about a conversation I had with my best friend, Chris.

Spicy Jem:    Hey sweet baby doll
*********:    Hello
*********:    What’s up?
Spicy Jem:    I am just doing some MAJOR updates on the website….totally
redesigning it
Spicy Jem:    Taking fricking forever
*********:    Cool
*********:    What were you and Christopher talking about?
Spicy Jem:    Oh you know…life, love, general stuff
Spicy Jem:    <smile>
*********:    Why u smiling
Spicy Jem:    <~~~always smiles!
Spicy Jem:    <smile>
*********:    Yeah right
*********:    I know you were talking about me
Spicy Jem:    Haha why you think that?
*********:    Cause he said
Spicy Jem:    LOL Oh did he now?
Spicy Jem:    He is just saying that <smile>
*********:    Yes he did he said you blushed a couple of times
Spicy Jem:    LOLOLOL
Spicy Jem:    I am going to have to have a little talk with him!
*********:    Nah
*********:    he didn’t tell me anything
*********:    brb
Spicy Jem:    K
*********:    ok
Spicy Jem:    K
*********:    So……
Spicy Jem:    Did you miss me after I left
*********:    But of course
Spicy Jem:    <smile>

*********:    What did you do tonight?
*********:    mom said he son
*********:    oops hi
Spicy Jem:    I have been updating the website all fricking nite. Most people have trouble making one webpage, right? So far I have updated 41 pages!
Spicy Jem:    HI MOM! Love ya! MUUUUAAAAA
*********:    Right back at ya
*********:    Wow congradulations
Spicy Jem:    I know…I have about 60 more to go!
*********:    Damn
Spicy Jem:    Tell me about it…I think I need someone to help me relax so I can get
more done…why dont you bring those sexy hands over here and give me a back
massage! LOL
*********:    I would if i could
*********:    you know that
Spicy Jem:    I know sweety
Spicy Jem:    But don’t think that I won’t take you up on that in the near future
*********:    ok
*********:    Well I will let you go since your busy
Spicy Jem:    I am never too busy for you, babe
*********:    <smile>
Spicy Jem:    <smiling back>
*********:   
*********:    LOL
Spicy Jem:   
Spicy Jem:    I really dont wanna wake up to my alarm clock tomorrow morning
*********:    Me niether
Spicy Jem:    I hate my stupid alarm clock…its annoying
*********:    Same here
*********:    brb.
Spicy Jem:    k babe
*********:    Back
Spicy Jem:    Good
*********:    ,smile>
*********:    oops <smile>
Spicy Jem:    Its okay…even your retarded smiles look cute
*********:    <blushing>
Spicy Jem:    Your sexiness is going to fry my computers circuits!
Spicy Jem:    Then I will have to go over there and use your computer!
*********:    STOP IT
Spicy Jem:    <smile>
*********:    STOP
*********:    I said
Spicy Jem:    From smiling…but…but…..I cant! Your just too cute!
*********:    NO I’m not
Spicy Jem:    You may not think so, but I think you are…even if your nose was up near
your forehead and your front teeth fell out…I would still think your cute
*********:    No you wouldn’t
Spicy Jem:    Wanna bet…..I would
*********:    You wouldn’t
*********:    I would be UGLY
*********:    VERY UGLY
*********:    VERY VERY VERY UGLY
Spicy Jem:    If you weighed 400 pounds and smelled like a gorilla, I would still want
to have an affair with you
*********:    NO
Spicy Jem:    Oh yes…..your my sexy gorilla!
*********:    No
Spicy Jem:    You hot thing you..
*********:    Stop it Jeffrey
Spicy Jem:    I look past your physical appearance anyways…that is why it dont
matter what you look like…..you may have mud on your face and a bone through your
nose, and I would just adore you
Spicy Jem:    <smile>
*********:    Thank you
*********:    very much
Spicy Jem:    I mean it…and you dont have to thank me…its true
*********:    Thank you
*********:    very much I needed that.
Spicy Jem:    I am so glad to hear it….you know I am not just throwing lines at you,
and that I really feel that way. So be proud that you have someone who always thinks
your wonderful……no matter what
*********:    I am thank you very much for being so nice to me
Spicy Jem:    I cant help it…your sexiness brings the best out of me
*********:    I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life but whatever i did I’m glad I did it
*********:    U there
Spicy Jem:    I think we are soul mates…even if you were born as some black african
tribal girl named Akuma, I would have been right there next to you…a big, handsome
black prince named Mufasa, waiting to sweep you of your feet!
Spicy Jem:    LOL
*********:    LOL
*********:    you are toooo cute
Spicy Jem:     <blushing> So are you, baby doll
*********:    Thank you
Spicy Jem:    Isnt this fun? You know, complimenting each other? I could compliment
you all day
*********:    Stop it
*********:    your making me smile
Spicy Jem:    If you were some circus midget who had to clean up elephant dung, I
would still comment on how well you did it. That is how much I think of you
*********:    Serious?
Spicy Jem:    Of course!
Spicy Jem:    If a snake bit you in the breast, I would even suck out the venom, risking
my own life
*********:    Wow Thank you
*********:    Yeah
*********:    I bet you would
Spicy Jem:    And if you had poison on your lips, I would kiss them anyways
*********:    Yeah I know
Spicy Jem:    I would carry you over a sea of broken glass barefoot just so you
wouldn’t cut yourself
*********:    Jeff really stop
*********:    it
Spicy Jem:    LOL
Spicy Jem:    <Thinking>
*********:    About?
Spicy Jem:    About what to say next to make you laugh
Spicy Jem:    If you were a horse, I would be a stallion so we could horse around
together!
*********:    Stop really
Spicy Jem:    LOL You laughing?
*********:    Smiling
Spicy Jem:    Okay…good enough
*********:    I guess
Spicy Jem:    Oh ho ho! You want me to continue huh? <smile>
*********:    no
Spicy Jem:    Okay…i will just think the compliments….and whenever you wanna hear
them, just tell me to turn up the volume
*********:    Ok
*********:    Well cutie i am going to go to bed now so talk to you later sweet
dreams and have a good day tomorrow at work. I wrote you a morning letter
Spicy Jem:    Yeah…thanks baby…I always look forward to those
*********:    Nite and sweet dreams
Spicy Jem:    You have a good night cutie..
Spicy Jem:    MUAAAAAAAAA
*********:    goodnight
Spicy Jem:    goodnight

Just a little history before you read this Famous Conversation.  I hopped into a friendly chat room, and had no intention of messing with anyone.  But this moron by the name of JiggaZ entered the room and started being vulgar.   So me, being the upholder of all that’s good and demented, decided to seek a little retribution on this miserable idiot.   After he started cursing, I sent him a private message, which started like this:

Spicy Jem:     Nice potty mouth 
JiggaZ :    thank u bitch 
Spicy Jem:    Dont talk to me like your mother, you dope. 
JiggaZ :    oh my god great come back asshole 
Spicy Jem:    Yeah, and you’re a real genius.
Spicy Jem:    Hey slapnuts, you always try and talk like a hotshot, or only when your mom is upstairs screwing the milkman? 
JiggaZ :    fuck u dick sucker 
Spicy Jem:    Wow…..it took you a whole 3 minutes to think of that comeback. Way to go.
Spicy Jem:    Listen junior…why dont you go back to playing with your teddy bears, and come back when your able to go head to head with me. 
JiggaZ :    do you want to battle bring it 
Spicy Jem:    Oh please…I have better things to do, like wiping my ass 
JiggaZ :    what u pussy 
Spicy Jem:    Its not that…..but thiinking that I would actually stoop low enough to humiliate a 12 year old like yourself is ridiculous 
JiggaZ :    u spelled thinking wrong bitch 4 ur info im 17
Spicy Jem:    <laughing> Yeah ok, junior.   Hey, its already getting dark out.  Must be passed your curfew. 
JiggaZ :    come on nigga u scared 
Spicy Jem:    Ooooh, a white boy talking hard. And what kind of name is Jigga anyway? Are you a Jewish black person?
Spicy Jem:    Do something creative, and pop a zit.
Spicy Jem:    I have farts that come from my ass that have more wit than you do.
JiggaZ :    4 ur info im puerto rican muthafucka 
Spicy Jem:    Sure you are, captain.  I can already tell by your grammer that you’re as white as a white boy can come.
Spicy Jem:    Let me ask you…does the sound of a newly born sheep turn you on?  Be honest. 
JiggaZ :    what the fuck are u 
Spicy Jem:    I am that I am.
Spicy Jem:    But you can call me Daddy
Spicy Jem:    Let me ask you…why do you feel the need to cuss so much?
Spicy Jem:    Or maybe I should say, “Por que tienes ganas de decir groserias?”
Spicy Jem:    Or perhaps…..”Baaaa, baaaaa, baaaaaaa” 
JiggaZ :    ur spanish 
Spicy Jem:    Nope.
Spicy Jem:    I just come from the streets….straight outta Compton. 
JiggaZ :    shut the fuck up 
Spicy Jem:    <sigh> I am very dissappointed in you, Junior. Just when I have some faith that you are going to have a good comeback, you say the stupidest things.
Spicy Jem:    Be original…come on.  I know you can do it 
JiggaZ :    listen u fucken cracker or what ever the fuck u r kiss my rican
JiggaZ :    ass 
Spicy Jem:    I know that deep down in that pimple ridden face of yours, you must have some brain.
Spicy Jem:    To test that theory…I will ask you a question:
Spicy Jem:    On your first date, do you:
A) Pay for your date’s hay
B) Pick her up from the barn
C) Leave the saddle on her during dinner 
Spicy Jem:    Boy oh boy…..I bet you 10 bucks that you can’t come back with a good comeback that doesnt require cursing.
Spicy Jem:    <playing Jeopardy song in background>
Spicy Jem:    I get it…you must be looking up something to say in your “Profanity Dictionary”.
Spicy Jem:    <yawn> Well, it’s too bad you turned out to be a dud. I better find someone to mess with who is older than 12. 
JiggaZ :    kiss my ass 
Spicy Jem:    And go to jail? Forget it…..you minors are always trying to get us adults into trouble.
Spicy Jem:    Hey, be honest….being a redneck and all, do you like Frosted Flakes because of that cute little tiger on the front of the box?
JiggaZ :    LISTEN FUCKER I AINT WHITE 
Spicy Jem:    Well, I never heard of a redneck who was puerto rican. Nice try.
Spicy Jem:    What did you eat for dinner tonight? Cow pies? 
JiggaZ :    IM BORICUA 
Spicy Jem:    Of course you are
Spicy Jem:    And I am Ricky Martin
Spicy Jem:    I bet you “live la vida loca” in the barn with those sheep, don’t ya Junior? 
JiggaZ :    YA I FUCK SHEEP 
Spicy Jem:    See…doesn’t it feel good to come out of the closet like that.  Now I feel that I have accomplished something.
JiggaZ :    I ALSO FUCKED UR MOM THAT BITCH 
Spicy Jem:    Oh Please…my mom wouldn’t even be seen with a redneck
Spicy Jem:    Besides….that sheep odor that you stink of would drive away the ugliest chick out there
Spicy Jem:    It’s getting late.  Isn’t it time for you to get ready for bed and brush your tooth? 
JiggaZ :    ANYWAYS UR MOM CANT GET PREGANT THREW HER MOUTH 
Spicy Jem:    The hell she can’t…how do you think I got here?  Sheesh…you need to learn a lot about life, slappy
Spicy Jem:    Hey, douche bag…..who’s a bigger turn-on?  Bambi or Dumbo? Be honest.
Spicy Jem:    Man, I’m going to hell for messing with a 12 year old like this.
Spicy Jem:    “Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I insulted a 12 year old redneck. The only thing dirtier than his mouth was his lust for farm animals.” 
JiggaZ :    YOUR FUNNY AS SHIT 
Spicy Jem:    I know….my 5000 subscribers seem to think so too.
Spicy Jem:    Well, I can see that your tiny brain is straining for things to say, so I will leave you to your livestock and call it a night. Keep smiling…..or as they say in your town, “Baaaa baaaaa”

JokeMList:    hi there
**********:     u getting ready 2 send out s’more jokez??
JokeMList:     yep

.
**********:     kewl…i’m reading the perverted ones
**********:     they are a good substitute for my morning coffee
JokeMList:     Hehe, you pervert you!
**********:     some of those Demented Thoughts are interesting…
JokeMList:     Yes, I always liked writing those
**********:     have you ever felt that strange attraction to dead rodents??
JokeMList:     No, but I do with live ones.
**********:     they just look so good laying there on the floor…helpless….
JokeMList:     Well, dont you feel that way with dead anything?
**********:     pretty much (except for relatives)
JokeMList:     Or roadkill
**********:     there was this old lady once at a funeral parlor…when everyone was walking by the casket…she was so beautiful…90 is a ripe age…i just wanted to brush her face, but…
**********:     it might’ve disturbed the family
JokeMList:     Yeah, thats true
JokeMList:     Did you at least follow the funeral procession to the burial site so you could see where she was buried? I hear its easy to dig them up within the first 24 hours.
**********:     lol…that might be fun
JokeMList:    Yeah, almost like a treasure hunt.
**********:    then of course there’s always those packed chickens at Publix…
**********:    the turkeys are even better…
**********:    of course, with the turkeys you’ve gotta dig out all the guts and intestines and stuff….
**********:    genital salmonella
JokeMList:    Ewww…man, I did not know that
JokeMList:    You sure know your turkeys
**********:    it’s not a pleasant condition
**********:    first there’s that awful itch…
**********:    then the testicle inflammation
**********:    then the purplish-pink-brown rash
JokeMList:    That sure is a colorful rash .
JokeMList:    Do you get especially excited around, say, Thankgiving?
**********:    yeah, but not about the turkeys…at thanksgiving my uncle’s yardman, Jim, comes around…he’s got great hair….
**********:    i hear the only way to get rid of it is to get a blowjob from a turkey
JokeMList:    Wow, just imagining you, Jim, and a Turkey makes me feel……well, makes me feel sick actually. But what a thought.
**********:    hey…nature is a beautiful thing…
**********:    Jim gets the front half ( the beak is just about the right size for Jim) and I take the back….
**********:    right there on the picnic table…
JokeMList:    Dude, you should live in a forest then. Lots of beautiful things out there.   Think of all those helpless animals.
JokeMList:    Be honest….you ever get aroused from Smokey the Bear?
**********:    smokey can put my fire out anytime…
JokeMList:    Or the Trix rabbit?
JokeMList:    Nah, you look like an Energizer Bunny man to me
**********:    he doesn’t keep going as long as they’d have you think
JokeMList:    Yeah, thats hollywood for ya
**********:    i tired him out in an hour
**********:    but while he’s going, MAN!!!!! all that pounding on the drum must do something for that arm
JokeMList:    So he kept going and going…..until he ran into your penis, huh?
**********:    lol yeah i guess…
**********:    i had to look around…i couldn’t find the “docking bay”
**********:    so i just told him to open wide
JokeMList:    He should have used that arm motion for something else instead of banging that senseless drum.
JokeMList:    Might have conserved more energy and lasted 2 hours instead of 1.
**********:    who’s to say he didn’t????
**********:    hehehehehh
JokeMList:    Well, then thats talent. My hats off to the Energizer Bunny
**********:    your hat’s off, my pants off
**********:    can u tell my father works at a morgue??
JokeMList:    Does he really?
**********:    ya….
JokeMList:    I dont know whats scarier
JokeMList:    Your father working in a morgue, or your pants off
**********:    you aren’t the same guy as that spicy jem dude are you??
JokeMList:    Why would you think that?
**********:    i was just wondering…cuz you both are on the website…
JokeMList:    Yeah, we are one in the same
**********:    and u both sound the same
JokeMList:    =)
**********:    oh god
JokeMList:    What?
**********:    listen man u aren’t gonna send this out are ya????
**********:    pleeeeeeez??
JokeMList:    Prolly not, dont worry
**********:    i….i was joking all for comedy
**********:    oh ok good thank you
**********:    now where were we…
JokeMList:    Yeah, blame it on the sweet name of Mother Comedy, you sick bastard.
**********:    oh yeah…the morgue is scarier…you know they have to undress them to preserve and fix them up?? even the really really old guys or the guys who were hacked to death??
**********:    or the really BIG BIG BIG fat women??
**********:    i like the dead fat women
**********:    the more cushion, the better for the pushin
**********:    gotta have somethin to hang onto
JokeMList:    So you really have seen all that crap? Ya know, behind the scenes?
**********:    most of it…all that crap, piss, blood, guts, semen…
JokeMList:    Does it harden you?  No pun intended.  I meant does it harden you emotionally.
**********:    ya literally and emotionally
**********:    i keep waiting on a girl who choked on cum or somethin…that’d be a night
JokeMList:    You’re a sick sick man. Wanna work for me?
**********:    sure!
**********:    =)
**********:    i charge 300 bucks an hour
**********:    unless you’re using a condom
JokeMList:    Well shit, good luck
**********:    then it’s 200
JokeMList:    What if a person wears two condoms? Would the price drop to 100?
**********:    150…100 if they were over 7 inches long
**********:    speaking of which…how long is yours, big man??
JokeMList:    Oh, can’t disclose that, my friend. That is what we consider “classified”
**********:    oh mine was 7 1/2 inches until that gruesome genital salmonella thing…the swelling dropped me eternally to 6 3/4.
JokeMList:    Well, hopefully you took that turkey to the taxidermist and framed him on your wall.
**********:    heck no!!!!!!!!
**********:    they’re no good dry-stufffed!!!!!!!
**********:    no fluids!!!!
JokeMList:    Why not? Just rub some KY Jelly around his gaping hole, and your good to go
**********:    i keep him in a pot of water in the refrigerator
**********:    i never thought of that…
**********:    hey you know what i discovered?? every man has one great discovery. columbus’s was america…guess what mine is???
JokeMList:    Turkey sex?
**********:    nope…
**********:    saliva=instant orgy for males
JokeMList:    Wow…what a deep thought
**********:    rub it all over the tip and BOOM
**********:    also, when you climax, your butthole widens enough to fit a ballpark frank in
JokeMList:    Would that be a 1/4 pound frank, or standard size?
**********:    standard
JokeMList:    And then when they pull it out, it comes complete with look alike mayonnaise and dark mustard toppings
**********:    so what kinda music u into??
**********:    i like Korn, Metallica, Prince, Manson, Three Tenors…
JokeMList:    I am into alternative music
**********:    cool
JokeMList:    I am a musicain too
**********:    really? me too!!!!!!
**********:    u gotta band?
**********:    what’s it called??
**********:    mine’s the ‘Prancing Prostitutes’
JokeMList:    I am looking for the right people. My guitarist is moving to San Diego, so until he comes back, I am finishing writing my songs. Have about 10 or so now
**********:    my guitarists are both gay, my bassist likes dead rats, and my onstage sodomy team are awesome
**********:    together we are the Prancing Prostitutes
JokeMList:    Wow……For the life of me, I can’t figure out why such a stage show like yours is not famous .
**********:    are you being sarcastic?
JokeMList:    Who me?   Sarcastic?  Never.
**********:    oh good…we really are a class act
JokeMList:    what kind of music?
JokeMList:    same as Korn and Manson?
**********:    ya, and for some reason the “Battle of the Bands” keeps turning us down
JokeMList:    Those judgemental bastards
**********:    something about them having to keep it in the level of the age group that’s gonna be there..
JokeMList:    They dont have an eye for talent. Who are they to say who can play and who cant, ya know.  So what if you have buttsex onstage.  Music is music.
**********:    i mean hey, the little pricks can handle sodomy…i live in alabama…it’s a common thing here..
JokeMList:    Yeah, especially among relatives
**********:    exactly
**********:    we’re the only purebred americans, cuz we all breed right down the family tree. it don’t fork.
JokeMList:    Doesnt your wife get confused when you call her mom though?
**********:    i don’t call her mom.
**********:    it’s “sis”
**********:    our kids get confused though
**********:    “is it mommy or aunt??”
JokeMList:    Ahhhhh. Or you could avoid all confusion and be like the homies here in Cali. Just say, “Eh yo bitch”
**********:    lol
**********:    u like sublime?? they’re big in Cali
JokeMList:    yeah, they are cool. I dont own any of their CDs though
**********:    love ‘em. i did a remake of “same in the end” for my first cd
JokeMList:    Thats cool. You perform a lot in gigs?
**********:    a few
**********:    we usually have to cancel our sodomy thing though
JokeMList:    Since I dont have a real band at the moment, I just make acoustic MP3 recordings here at home
**********:    we played at my exwife’s highschool reunion
JokeMList:    fun
**********:    yeah. class of 1979.  It was her 20 year reunion
**********:    they’re all like “Dang, what happened to good music?”
JokeMList:    Wow….class of 79?  You graduated when I was in pre-school.
**********:    no i didn’t.
**********:    i’m class of 88
JokeMList:    What the hell?!! You’re class of 88 and she is class of 79?
**********:    she never told me how old she was until the honeymoon
JokeMList:    Holy sweet baby Jesus in a manger
**********:    more like holy putrid fatass redneck ho in a nightgown
**********:    wasn’t purdy
JokeMList:    Thats like illegal in some states, I think
**********:    really?
**********:    hmm..
**********:    we have this one song called “i wanna sodomize the pope”
**********:    that reallly gets the crowd riled up
JokeMList:    That must be popular in Italy.
**********:    ya
**********:    I bet
**********:    bein from cali, i bet u don’t watch alotta rasslin, do ya?
JokeMList:    Nope……just boxing
**********:    awww…
**********:    u sure u ain’t gonna send this out??
**********:    u have no idea how embarrrasing this’d be…i figgered i could tell you
**********:    since u gotta since a’ humor
JokeMList:    Nah, I prolly wont send this
**********:    okey doke
JokeMList:    Your like, “Well fuck you then, Jeff!!”
**********:    i might hafta call you a lyin, cheatin, lowdown sonofabitch from high ridin californeya scalawag
JokeMList:    You could, but that prolly wont change my mind
**********:    how bout i threaten to drive over to your little ol’ penthouse apartment a blow away you and your hos, you little blondeheaded buttpumper?
**********:    would that make ya recall all the letters?
JokeMList:    Hmmm…..that could be arranged
**********:    really?? nuh uh…i can’t afford to git my car off those cement blocks in the shed
**********:    so i’d never make it to cali
JokeMList:    What’s a matter?   Cant ride the old Amish carraige?
**********:    huh?
JokeMList:    You know, get uncle Jebediah and gallop to Cali, you redneck Quaker.
**********:    it’s a CHEVY!!!!!!! 1968 and damn proud of it!!!!!!!!
**********:    it just don’t run…that’s all
JokeMList:    Thats a shame
**********:    ah shut up…you high ridin purdy boys in LA think everybody in the south’s just a dumb redneck…
**********:    lemme tell you somethin…just cuz my car’s a chevy and it’s up on cement blocks and i live in alabama and i chew redmen tobacco and i work at a beer place and i happen ta like wearin tight levis and i own a shotgun and i like strollin with nolan don’t mean i’m a redneck
JokeMList:    I am not from LA….but I do think everyone in the south is a redneck.
**********:    well maybe that does make me a redneck…
**********:    but damned if i’m gonna let you tell me i’m a redneck!!!!
JokeMList:    If it looks like a redneck and walks like a redneck, well, ya know
JokeMList:    Listen, I gotta jam now bro
**********:    i’m not dumb!!! i graduated 9th in my class out of 18 graduates from Montgomery High School
**********:    ok then…go prick yourself you dumbass pretty boy
JokeMList:    You too, you redneck, lilly bastard! Go hump one of your cement blocks on that piece of shit Ford in your shack
**********:    no thanks!!!!! i got me a purdy woman inside right now
JokeMList:    What species? Has she been sheared this season?  Baaaaaa  Baaaaaaa
**********:    HUMEN!!!!!!!!!!
**********:    and I’M NOT RELATED TO HER!!!!!!!!!
**********:    and SHE’S got her some boobs! unlike them flat little CALI girls you PAY FOR from the local hardware store!!!!
JokeMList:    Girls got boobs here….they are just fake, thats all
**********:    YA !!!!! DOWN HERE THEY DON’T NEED SILICON!!!!!!D
JokeMList:    Well, give my regards to those breasts, or udders as you farmers call them….and I will talk to you later.
JokeMList:    Bye bye….you sick bastard.
**********:    ooooooooooh you purdy boys piss me off. bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**********:    and kiss my ass!!!!!!

A fellow JokeMailer named Brit had sent me an Instant Message from a laptop computer while she was in an airplane. She was in flight to the Bahamas on first class, and she saw me online, so she started to chat a bit. From what I gathered, it was a long flight, and she was drinking A LOT!

So I decided to play a little joke. I made a quick audio recording and uploaded it to her. I told her to turn her laptop speakers full blast and play my message to everyone in first class. Here is what my message said:

“Alright everyone, this is your captain speaking. I hope your all having a great trip. Don’t drink too much, and…..uh….enjoy the turbulance.”

Well, not only did she play this recording, but she had gotten up from her seat and used the plane’s intercom to blast it throughout the plane!! That’s right! My voice was instantly tranported 35,000 feet into the air and the entire plane probably thought their captain was on crack. Below is the actual e-mail I got from Brit after the flight:

You got me in trouble! But not Big trouble, I just have to switch air-lines on my way home =)! It’s ok though, I’m gonna fly a better air-line though. I’m siting in my hotel room right now, I have no clue where we are though or what time it is, that really sucks. But, I’ll tell you what I remember about the *wonderful plane ride*!
Well after i got disconnected <again> with you, I kept asking for another drink. They wouldn’t give it to me. So I went to the back of the plane and said I was gonna go to the bathroom. After flirting with that ugly basterd who was serving the drinks, I got a couple shots.

So I go back up to my seat <barely being able to walk> and sit back down. I was about to turn on my computer and that bitchy attendent said i couldn’t. So after seeing your e-mail and down-loading it, I put my speakers as loud as they can go and went to thoese little thingys that thoese plane people talk into, and put my speaker into it. After They made me promise *never* to do any thing like that again <i lied> because it scared the shit out of some people <i’m still wondering why>, my friends started screaming at me, but they were laughing their asses off the whole time.”

Popfreash60: i will throw a brick at you

Jeff: And I’ll kick your dog.

Popfreash60: ill smoke a bowl

Jeff: Whoopty fucking doo.

Popfreash60: ill throw your dog threw a window

Jeff: That might actually have some relevance if I HAD a dog, you shmeckel head.

Popfreash60: ill buy you one then throw it threw a window, you man who beats off in other mens assholes

Jeff: Hell, if you buy me a dog, I’ll beat off in YOUR asshole.

Popfreash60: you dont like dogs?

Jeff: Well, that depends. Are we counting your mom or not? Because if we are, then she’s a little hairy for my taste.

Popfreash60: no not my mom, we’ll count your first boy freind though, did you beat off in his asshole?

Jeff: Gee, my cat has more wit than you, and she’s over here licking her kitty vagina. Do me a favor, and fuck off. I mean that in the nicest possible manner.

Popfreash60: ill beat off in your cats asshole and let you watch for an additional 15$ unless you would like to beat of in its asshole your self

Jeff: Man, why do I get the feeling that your balls haven’t even dropped yet? I’ll tell you what. I will have so much respect for you if you can try and insult me without using profanity. Go ahead.

Popfreash60: i like profanity, and as a fact i cant insult you with out using it

Jeff: That’s because your a half-wit retard.
Jeff: If you had an IQ higher than a head of lettuce, you would be able to communicate without using profanity.

Popfreash60: i will cut you with a razor you half-wit homosexual
Popfreash60: if brains were cars you’d have boats

Jeff: Holy shit. I take back everything I said. You ARE witty.
Jeff: Jesus H. Criminy Christmas Kringle Christ!
Jeff: “If brains were cars, I’d have boats.” Fuck me running, I have never been so verbally torn apart.

Popfreash60: you half-wit whore, you can just type fast and have a big vocabulary, i will shit on your face and make you eat it you cock sucking fuck, i banged your mother last night, i bet when you were in high school you were a total fuckin loser and no one paid attention to you
Popfreash60: you dumb cock

Jeff: That’s right. The only difference is that now, people do pay attention to me. You, on the other hand, will go through life, cursing your parents for ever getting drunk enough to conceive you.

Popfreash60: you went through life as an upset homosexual who hides his self-disgust by insulting others

Jeff: Well, looks like your not only witty, but you’re a fucking genius.

Popfreash60: now your just not gonna accept the fact that what i said was the truth

Jeff: You know something? I am totally being serious now and not clowning around. You should work with me at MyJokeMail and be a Dickfor.

Popfreash60: how origanl
Popfreash60: you dumb cock

Jeff: LOL Well, I have to hand it to you. You at least have one brain cell in that bulbous head of yours to not fall for that.

Popfreash60: damn

Jeff: Let me ask you something. How old are you?

Popfreash60: 16

Jeff: Ah, I knew I was dealing with a prepubescent mongrel.

Popfreash60: if i was older than 18 i wouldnt be on the computer

Jeff: Probably not. You’d be begging for blowjobs on the conrer of the local tavern.

Popfreash60: no id be smokeing a bowl

Jeff: That’s productive.

Popfreash60: its nice

Jeff: I’m glad I quit smoking weed. If I had continued, shit, my typing would probably be as bad as yours.

Popfreash60: im laying on a couch

Jeff: And remind me why I give a flying blue fuck about that?

Popfreash60: thats why my typing is bad

Jeff: So sit up, you lazy fuck. Or is your melon sized head too big to support under its own weight?

Popfreash60: im watching a movie

Jeff: What’s that?

Popfreash60: are you asking what a movie is or what movie im watching?

Jeff: I know what you’re watching. What’s a movie?
Jeff: Your stupidity is astonishing

Popfreash60: requiem for a dream

Jeff: Like your spelling, that movie was HORRIBLE

Popfreash60: its a darron aronofsky film, and i happen to love him

Jeff: Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.

Popfreash60: im gonna major in film, so i have a wider taste in films then youi im sure

Jeff: Well, this is boring the living shit out of me. I’m going to go now.

Popfreash60: if a brick goes threw your window tonight its from me
Popfreash60: and if you wake bathed in cum its your boyfreind

Jeff: And if you actually figure out how to spell, you’re either dead or dreaming.

Popfreash60: and if you realize that your life is a waste… well fuck me running

Jeff: Yeah, fuck you running. I like how you use the same insults I’ve already used in this conversation.

Popfreash60: i use it alot, it happen to come to mind

Jeff: I’m sure the only thing that comes in your mind is “Food good. Fire bad.”

Popfreash60: that and “this mans mother, bad sex”
Popfreash60: let me tell you a story

Jeff: Oh Christ, here we go.

Popfreash60: about 9 months before you were born, me and your mom got to talking, now your mom at the time was a heavy drinker but none the less she looked ok, so one night she was quite wasted and she gave me 25 pieves of wood, 40 nails, and a hammer and told her to build a house for the vistors of her snatch, 9 months later you came out.

Jeff: Ahhh, is THAT how it happened?

Popfreash60: mostly, she just married a man so that she called her husband so that she wouldnt be shunned from society

Jeff: I have a feeling that I could take that same 25 pieces of wood, stick them up your ass, and still have enough room to house all the detained Al Qaeda prisoners in Cuba.
Jeff: What do you think of that?
Jeff: Not to mention, I was premature, like all of your ejaculations, so I wasn’t born nine months after conception. But since I can’t expect you to understand simple mathematical equations like that, I’ll drop the subject.

Popfreash60: i think that you should do that because the Al Queda prisoners are open to gay anal sex, and im sure you love that, and havnt had it in awhile

Jeff: Man, I’m actually laughing at you right now. God bless your retarded little brain. I’m laughing. I just told you to stick 25 pieces of wood up your dark, rancid ass…you tell me that I should do that, and you accuse ME of being gay?!
Jeff: You make Gay Travis look like Fabio.

Popfreash60: i dont like wood up my ass

Jeff: Oh yes you do.

Popfreash60: what kind of wood
Popfreash60: id do fern
Popfreash60: maybe

Jeff: You can call me Pinochhio

Popfreash60: can i call you big jem?

Jeff: Call me anything you want, my little wood shed.

Popfreash60: i bet i could get more wood in my ass than you could!!!

Jeff: You know something. I bet you could too.
Jeff: But be warned…Next time I dive in your ass, if I see an endangered spotted own or something forresting in those trees up there, I’m calling the EPA.

Popfreash60: i bet you take more cock in your ass than elton jhon at a rave party

Jeff: Who is Elton John?

Popfreash60: the musical artist, really gay, how about david bowee

Jeff: David Who? Dude, I have no idea who these guys are that you’re making up.

Popfreash60: theyre musical artists

Jeff: What kind of music? Like country?

Popfreash60: no no, elton jhon was 1960s, and david bowee was 1979-1986

Jeff: Are you saying they didn’t have country music back then?
Jeff: I’m confused.

Popfreash60: they had hippies and coke
Popfreash60: no country

Jeff: Coke, like the drink?

Popfreash60: the drug

Jeff: Like caffeine?
Jeff: Because I know for a FACT that caffeine is in coke

Popfreash60: nope the narcotic

Jeff: Caffeine is NOT a narcotic. My cousin is a sheriff and I know that for a fact.
Jeff: I think someone is pulling your leg

Popfreash60: damn
Popfreash60: fuckin rednecks
Popfreash60: little boys with jet packs and monkeys
Popfreash60: god dman the internet
Popfreash60: *damn

Jeff: I know…but don’t get mad at your parents. They probably didnt have any choice as to which trailor you were born in
Jeff: Listen dick breath, I have to go now

Popfreash60: alright pole smoker
Popfreash60: later on

Jeff: Have fun smoking your pot and watching your gay pornos