Top 10 Reasons for Voting Democrat

Pick Your Reason

When your friends can’t explain why they voted for Democrats, give them this list. They can then pick a reason .

10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

I’ll keep my Freedom, my God and my Guns… You keep the Change…

Get out and vote November 2nd, 2010!

This post was submitted by Lobsterlou.

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A Single Little Wave’ll Do It!

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd….

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, “Do you know that with a single little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”

Pelosi replied, “I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope backhanded the bitch and knocked her off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!

Kind of brings a tear to your eyes, doesn’t it?

This post was submitted by Barry C.

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The Vasectomy Experience !

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure, a rather attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed, she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys.

The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act, the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.

The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy, if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to complete.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall, the patient sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks “What are they doing in there?”
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The nurse responds, “They’re getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.”

This post was submitted by Barry C.

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Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did. “Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did. “Now we eat everybody.” And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked,”Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”

Now you know…

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.

This post was submitted by LobsterLou.

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Monkeys

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while another monkey makes the attempt with same result, all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the

Stairs.

To his shock, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.

Hang on…

Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, nor why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know, that is the way it has always been done around here.

And that, my fellow monkeys, is how Congress operates…

And that is why we need to replace ALL of the original monkeys this November.

This post was submitted by LobsterLou.

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My Building Permit

I recently applied for a building permit for my new house.
It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City laughed and told me to go to hell.

I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.

Work starts on Monday…..

This post was submitted by LobsterLou.

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Legs or Breasts

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.

She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.

I told her what I really liked was a shaved pussy.

Apparently I’m not welcome back at KFC.

This post was submitted by LobsterLou.

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Take a Pill?

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes.”

This post was submitted by LobsterLou.

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Australian Politics

COMEDY:- Anti Liberal Party Announcement — A condom allows inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you are actually being screwed . . . . .

As general rule, i never talk Politics, but this was just too hard to pass-up.

This post was submitted by Jaiden F..

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Raw Material

The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?”

Little Stevie raised his hand and said “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a BMW.” The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche.” The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicone.” The teacher said, “Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?” “Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!”

This post was submitted by rondetto.

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