Jokes

Payback Bitch!

Rating: 3.0/5 (1 vote cast)

Dear Husband

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything. Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, what ever the case is, I’m gone.

The Zookeeper

Rating: 2.0/5 (1 vote cast)

A Zookeeper was walking through the zoo one day, checking on all the animals.
When he passed near the Giraffe pen, he noticed a woman standing near the fence
that contained the giraffes.

TWO MOBSTERS

Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Two mobsters are talking about what they got their wives for Christmas.

The first one says “I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes, so that in case she doesn’t like the diamond, she can drive it back to the store and get another.”

WORLD’S THINNEST BOOKS

Rating: 3.5/5 (2 votes cast)

FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac

HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda

MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno

WORTH A TRY

Rating: 4.0/5 (1 vote cast)

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

In the classroom

Rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)

In the Sex Education class the teacher says, “All right, class, I want you to go
home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for
making sex.”
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, “Well, John, how many
positions did you come up with?”
Johnny says, “Seventy-three.”
The teacher says, “Oh, my goodness…uh…very good, John, very good…”
She calls on Becky in the front and says, “All right, Becky, how about
you?”
Becky says, “Gee, teacher, I only came up with one…where the guy just
lays on top of the girl.”
Johnny yells, “Seventy-four.”

A Republican Banker Meets His Destiny

Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)

A factory worker, a fervent Democrat dressed in overalls, sat down to have his lunch in a park across from his office.

WRIGLEY’S

Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)

Paddy was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an english tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. Paddy politely ignored the englishman who nevertheless started up a conversation.