GM Like Computer Industry
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
the perfect day
The Perfect Day – Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex and notice she’s gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
Birds and Bees
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
Labour Pains
A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father.
Need Samples
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.”
Valentines, Redneck Style
Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
Elevator Magic
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s this, Paw?”
Bill Gates picks his own punishment
Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.
Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Civic Lesson
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
Age Jokes
Animal Jokes
Aviation Jokes
Bar Jokes
Best Man
Birthday Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Computer Jokes
Death Jokes
Dumb Laws
Golf Jokes
Halloween Jokes
Heaven and Hell
Insults
Lawyer Jokes
Marriage Jokes
Redneck jokes
Rude
Text message
True Stories
Valentine’s Day