Hairy arm pits.

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, Walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a Huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar And asked “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”.
The bar went deathly quiet as the patrons tried to Ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk Slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, Give the Ballerina a drink!”. The bartender poured the drink and the woman Chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at All of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What Man here will buy a lady a drink?”.
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his Money down on the bar and said, “Give the Ballerina another drink!”.
The bartender approached the little drunk and Said, “I say, old chap, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a Drink – but why do you keep calling her the “ballerina?”. “As far as I’m concerned”, the drunk replied, “any woman who can lift her leg that high – has to be a ballerina!!!”

This post was submitted by rondetto.

Go to your Pharmacy.

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand

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This post was submitted by rondetto.

LAPD

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

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A BLONDE POLICE STOP

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde’s driver’s license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, “What does a driver’s license look like?”
Irritated, the blonde cop said, “You dummy, it’s got your picture on it!”
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, “Aha! This must be my driver’s license” and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, “You’re free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.”

Quasimodo

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
“How are you going to assist me?” asked Quasimodo.
“That’s easy!” replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
BONG!!!
“That’s amazing!” said Quasimodo. “Could you show me that again?”
“Sure!” said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, “Does anyone know who he is?”
Quasimodo came out and said…
“I DON’T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!”

Bubba & Earl

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!”
“Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.”
“What fer?”, asked Bubba.
“Just let me do the talkin’, OK?,” said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?”
“No, sir,” said Earl while pointing at the labels. “We’re on the patch.”

A IDAHO Story

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.

As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

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His & Her Diaries – A Montana Story

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.  We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.  I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

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