where was he?

She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.

“Who was it?” he asked.
“My husband,” she replied.
“I better get going,” he said. “Where was he?”
“Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you.”

Getting a second opinion

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

just relax

A man was on his death bed. His wife was stroking his hand lovingly and speaking gentle words to him for the last time.

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Pretend we are married

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment,they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk,the man on the lower.

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The Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

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Idle thoughts…

Idle thoughts of a retiree’s wandering mind during 2009:

….I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

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This post was submitted by Joe Umphrey.

A San Francisco Love Story

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles
– something she loved to do.

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This post was submitted by Joe Umphrey.

Wife’s Luckiest day

A man is in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone rings, he engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk….

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Macho Man Meets His Match

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

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crowded bus stop

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus’ first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!! ” At this the Texan drawled ” Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that maybe we were friends.”